One Year Later

There are things I find myself thinking about still.

I wonder if Rowan would have been a boy or girl. I always think boy, but that's probably because I already have 2.

I wonder if Rowan would have the same hair and eye color as the boys. Maybe Rowan would have ended up with dark hair and light eyes, the exact opposite of the boys. 

Last month I went through and got rid of a lot of baby clothes and found myself crying because my baby would have been wearing them. Now I only have a small handful of tiny onesies and outfits left to use if there is ever another baby in my future.

I made this a couple weeks ago. It feels good to have something on my wall to look at and remember Rowan by. But it hurts, too. 

Most days, I'm okay. There are some days I'm not. Today is one of those days.